Memories.

Samantha zdanavich                            Memories.

Ben took his diary out of the drawer and flicked through to the last entry. Tuesday 1st May 2001. I’ve lost four months and three days of memory having doctors baffled but I am still looking for a cause. I know by the time I’ve read today’s events I will have forgotten all that’s happened. All I remember is the word delete. It is important somehow. Watch Emily. She knows more than she is letting on. Gemma is your carer. Don’t scream at her it’s not her fault…
Ben sits on the edge of the bed with Gemma bemused as he does every morning. It is hard having to start the day with the same monotonous routine only to end up as confused as the day before.
“Are you ready?” Gemma sighs. She has to do this and she has little sympathy. She sits next to Ben trying to comfort him once again.
“Emily is at work and she will pop in at lunchtime to see you. I have been looking after you for the past five months. I know it is hard to understand but you are safe. Read the rest of the diary and I’ll go make us a cup of tea.” Gemma sees this part of her morning as the most tedious and with each new day, she cannot wait to get it over.
“Just read the diary, it’s in your own handwriting and it will explain. I’ll be back in a minute.”
She looks intently at Ben before she leaves the room giving him her best reassuring smile. Ben’s reaction is the same everyday. Where is my wife? Who the hell are you? Why are you here? After reading the diary, Ben finally calms down and starts to relax into his amnesic condition. Gemma brings him a cup of tea. They sit and talk over some of the events that Ben has missed. His cousin Alice has had her baby. They look at the photos on the computer of baby Harry rapped up in a multi-coloured shawl and this ads weight to the diary entries. By the time Emily arrives, Ben finds himself feeling quite cheery and comfortable. She sets his mind to rest and leaves him laughing about his condition.
“Don’t forget to write in the diary that you have another scan on Friday.” She said as she left to go back to work.
“I’ll do it now.”
Gemma leaves Ben to his own devices to fill in his account of the day. Soon he finds himself back on the computer musing over baby Harry once more. He clicks the mouse over several folders on the screen. Ireland Holiday, Florida, Donal’s wedding. The folders are endless it seems at least he can remember most of them. The last one is simply titled BEN. He clicks on it to find more folders, each one marked with a date. He clicks on today’s date. It opens several pictures. As he looks at them, he is astonished to find they are of his day so far.
One of him getting out of bed, pointing and shouting his usual barrage of questions at Gemma, him sitting on the bed gazing through his diary another of him eating breakfast, Gemma sitting next to him on the sofa drinking tea.
A shiver creeps its way across his shoulder blades. He wants to show Gemma what he has discovered but something stops him, something niggling at the back of his mind. He tries to work out at what angle these picture have been taken. He can’t see any cameras; it’s as if an invisible person was in his house watching him and snapping a photo every hour of his day.
He closes the file and looks at yesterday’s folder. It is empty. He opens the recycle bin icon on the desktop to find numerous files with dates. He clicks on yesterdays file and clicks on restore.
Ben leans back in his black leather Eames chair as the computer slowly restores each picture. It takes a few minutes and with every file, Ben has a tingling sensation across his head. The computer makes a high-pitched ding sound when it has finished and he can now remember the day before. He can remember. The computer has restored his memory. He sits baffled. Why are his memories stored on a computer and not in his mind?
Yesterday he went through the same kind of day but in the evening when Emily had come home from work relieving Gemma and waving goodbye to her as she reversed out of the drive a change occurred. From the moment the door shut, Emily began her questions. How was your day sweetheart? Can you remember the Christmas works party? No. Can you remember Alice? The woman you were going to leave me for after fifteen years of marriage. Such a shame you can’t remember.
Emily went on like this all evening. Recounting his affair in detail. Being accused of something you have no record of not even a hazy outline is torture.
“I would never do a thing like that!” Ben retorted in defence. He can remember working for Credit Swiss for years but has no recollection of an Alice.
“That’s right; you don’t remember her do you? Was she a blonde or a brunette? Your so pathetic, look at you. The young dementia victim. Don’t worry darling you won’t remember any of this tomorrow.”
Ben looked through the computers recycle bin to find all five months worth of files. He clicked restore. As each day came to him his head felt fizzy like he was about to pass out.
Once all his memories were restored, he unplugs the computer and takes it out into the garden. He takes a hammer from the shed and smashes the desktop. With each blow sparks fly off as the metal scraps against metal.
‘What the hell are you doing?’ Gemma said as she rushes towards him.
‘She can’t delete my whole life.’
‘Shall I call Emily?’
‘Don’t you dare!’
‘But I don’t understand’
‘I won’t be needing your services anymore Gemma.’ Ben said. He stood tall looking down at the mangled metal and circuit boards that had been his computer.
‘In fact, I need to make a phone call.’
‘I think maybe I should call Emily or the Doctor.’ Gemma said. She went into the house and bent to pick up the phone, only Ben got there first and grabbed the receiver out of her hand. He tapped in a number.
‘Hello Alice…’